Do you feel guilty to live a successful life?

Image: jupiterimages.com

Success has a lot to do with how you are able to deal with your priorities.

This post is for professionals who find it difficult to maintain a good work-life balance because of on-the-job pressures and unreasonable demands from their managers.

In today’s post we will look at a bitter truth that I know you will find difficult to admit.

But before that,…

I have some happy news to share

Last week we were blessed with a beautiful baby boy.

The best part was that I could take all the time in the world to be with my family, without worrying a bit about my job.

When happy personal times come with complicated professional times

With the new addition to my family, life has gotten just a little more busy, though that’s going to be nothing compared to how it was when I had my first child. And that brings me to the topic of today’s post.

Let me ask you a question: When you need to take some time off from your job, for whatever reason whatsoever, what are your first thoughts?

Do any of the following find a place in those thoughts?

“Now let me see how I am going to tell my boss about this”.
“Will my boss allow me to take a week off?”
“I really need to take leave from work, but it’s going to be a pain to ask my boss for two full days. So I might as well…”.

When it comes to taking a few days off, which, by the way, is a right that I suppose comes as part of your job contract, some bosses have this uncanny knack of making you feel as though you are thinking of committing a crime. Have you worked with a boss like that?

Is it time to feel guilty?

As I enjoyed the precious moments with my newborn for the last few days, I contemplated on how things would have been if I had been working on a job under a boss like that.

Demanding clients, tight schedules, employee- and work-life-balance- unfriendly policies and management can make things difficult so much so that you start to feeling guilty for even thinking of the very thing that should be your first priority. Sounds familiar?

Or is it time to get screwed?

These are not just speculations. When I had my first kid a few years ago, I was working with a boss who cared a naught for humans. My son was just born and he wanted me to come over to the office.

Of course, I didn’t go.

Nevertheless, working across midnight and over weekend too was the default schedule while working on that project. Just 5 hours of sleep at night interwoven with sharing of turns to pacify the crying baby was part of the personal routine.

One step forward in the right direction

So I did what I felt was the right thing to do. I took a bold step in the middle of the sub-prime crisis and told my boss I could not continue to work with him.

My company knew better than letting me go, so they gave me another assignment that helped me have a life.

All the others on the team who were too afraid to stand up for their own life landed up working like dogs for another 18 months while I, because of one act that was based on conviction in my life’s priorities, found enough bandwidth to enjoy seeing my son grow well during that time.

A world of a difference

Today, with the birth of my second child, things are much peaceful and gratifying. Having quit my job, I feel proud to be able to take time out, when needed, without having to feel ridiculously guilty about it.

I do not mean to recommend quitting your job, but I strongly suggest that you take matters of your happiness into you own hands. Trust me, it will make a world of a difference towards your life success.

Common sense, but still no sense?

Why should anyone even be made to feel guilty about taking time off when life demands it? As ridiculous as that might sound, you might still be one such unlucky slave who prefers to live on someone else’s whims and fancies instead of having a life on your own terms.

I always ask one question when it comes to such situations – do you work to live or do you live to work?

Take courage and happiness in living a successful life

Why am I telling you all this?

Because I hope that it might inspire you to live a better life, a real life, in case you too land up in situations where people like my above mentioned boss try to rob you of your joys in exchange for false job security or other shallow promises.

Those are the times when you should remember your priorities, and have the courage to act upon them.

I hope you are amongst those who work to live (instead of living to work), and I wish you the grace and courage to opt for a happy and successful life.

Enjoyed this post? Please share it with others. And then,...
1) Write a comment
2) Subscribe to the Secrets of Success Newsletter
3) If you are RSS hungry, grab your RSS Feed here

Steve from Affiliate Marketing Tips says:

Mark,

First of all.. Big congratulations! Having another kid. Great man! I am happy for you.

These questions you are pondering are some of the ones that made me pretty quickly quit my job years ago.

-which of course led to a couple of tough years for me personally a I struggled to make a go of things running my own business-

I was fortunate to be single at the time, so the decision was not tough.

In our current economic situation it is hard to make the decisions to spend more time on the things that matter. The repercussions of losing a job can be horrible.

All I can say is that I am glad i was not in your situation having to make that decision. It was a tough one…but it sounded like it worked out the right way, bro!

again, congratz on having your second child!

Mark says:

Steve,

Thanks so much for the wishes! Your comment had landed up in Akismet spam, and I’m glad I did not lose it.

Yes, it was difficult to make the decision to quit my job at this stage in my life. But I figured that things will just keep getting tougher and tougher from here, and I might as well take the risk now than at a later point in time.

Things are not as rosy as I had imagined them to be, but, like you mentioned, I think it will take an year or two to stabilize. I can’t wait for that to happen :-)

Thanks for dropping by Steve! It’s a pleasure to have you around.

Cheers,
Mark

Jimmy/Life Architect says:

Dear Mark,

I am new to your site. Found you through your comment on Dia’s blog. Glad to have dropped in because the very first post I read from your site is about your juggle with a new babe. BTW congrats and best wishes. I can relate, I have two at the moment – one 2.5 and on 4 years old. Real handful but joyous.

This post is about finding the work-life balance right? Actually, there is really not much choice to make. We have to put our families first and God will find a way. I like what my friend told me when my second one came along and I thought we could not afford it. She said, “If God brought him to your world, he will ensure that you will be able to take care of him.” it was great advice and I took great inspiration from that.

Today, the read the first few pages of ‘Notes Left Behind”. I cried. This story tells us how we should value our priorities in life. Again, there is really no priority. The choice is clear. Children has a very special way to teach us to live in the moment.

For those who still struggle to find peace and work-life balance, perhaps reading about “Notes Left behind” will change your priorities for good. Go to their website and read the touching story of Elena http://www.notesleftbehind.com

Cheers

Jimmy,

Hello and welcome to Secrets of Success! It’s been a joyous occasion, one that I have been able to enjoy to the fullest with absolutely no worries about hitting the work life balance. I am my own boss, and I feel things cannot get any better with regard to work life balance :-)

Quitting my job was a step in that direction, and prioritizing my family life was one of the main reasons why I gave up a handsome job.

Thanks for introducing us to Notes Left Behind. I’m sure it would give a strong reminder and a push to those who find it difficult to maintain a healthy work-life balance.

Paula from AffordAnything.org says:

Congratulations on your baby boy!! I’m so happy you were able to take away from work to be with your newborn. This is such a precious time that only happens once in his life (and in your life!) Nothing is more important than that!

Paula,

Thanks for dropping by and leaving a comment. Thanks for the beautiful wishes too! Indeed, it’s a once-in-a-lifetime event, and being able to give it all the time needed was, in my books, a great achievement.

Adrienne says:

First off I want to say congratulations to your new addition Mark. I’m so thrilled for and your family.

Second thing I want to say is good post and very good points you make.

Back when I was in the work force I was very fortunate to work for smaller companies. The last one I had I was with for seven years. Although two weeks after taking that job I regretted it, looking back I had to understand that it was where I was suppose to be at that time. I say that because seven months after accepting the position my best friends husband was taken to the emergency room and I was notified that he wouldn’t live. I didn’t ask my boss if I could leave, I told him I was leaving. We had been friends for over 25 years so she was family to me. He passed away ten days later at the age of 43 and I stayed the entire time.

Three years later my father took a turn for the worse and again, I just took off. My boss was the type of guy that knew family came first. I was also his right hand woman so he gave me that time with no questions asked. I was off for two weeks during my father’s ordeal. A week in the hospital and then a week after he passed away.

I am blessed that I’ve remained in working environments that were more compassionate. Of course they were smaller companies and I worked for the owner so that helped as well.

I can relate though to people who don’t have the same advantages I had so had that not been the case, I wouldn’t have changed anything. I would have been where I was needed and worry about the outcome later. Family comes first, period!

Thanks for sharing this Mark and again, congratulations on the new addition. I’m thrilled for you.

Adrienne

Adrienne,

Thanks for dropping by thanks for the wishes too :-)

What an insightful comment you have left here! I’m sorry about the saddening events you had to go through, and I admire you stood by your priorities so much so that you went out of the way to be with your friend’s family.

I must say you have been fortunate to work in more compassionate environments. You make an important point though… I have some friends who worked in smaller firms directly with the owner and experiences of some of them have been on similar lines. But when it comes to those working in larger corporations, it is almost always the case that things get nasty. This is especially the case in the field of information technology.

I’m happy you always stuck to your priorities. I am proud of myself too. It meant more to me to abide by my values than to fall prey for a false sense of job security.

Thanks for your valuable contributions!

Justin | Mazzastick says:

Hey Mark,
Congratulations on you second child. I believe that bosses should be understanding of employees who just had a child.

There is no bigger challenge in the world than being there for a newborn and raising children.

Hi Justin,

Welcome to Secrets of Success, and thanks for dropping by!

I think (hopefully) most managers would be understanding of employees who just had a child. As a manager, I know I am one of them. But there is the other subset of those who don’t. It just so happened that I was not on the lucky side there :-)

But even then, I wouldn’t have quit my job because of that. It was the big quake and nuclear crisis that shook things up and I had to prioritize my family over all other things. Even then I had the option to take up a job back home, but I decided to turn around things and take the leap.

What can I say? It all seemed like the universe was guiding me all along :-)

Eric says:

This has got to be the most ridiculous title I have every read, except it is so true.
Went through the exact same thing except it was with my own business that had become my boss. 12 hour days were actually taking it easy for me. Was very successful, in business and money only.
Finally realized why I had gotten marrried and had kids. Sold the business, am now working online making about 40% of my previous income.(This amount keeps us in beans and rice just fine.)
But I see my kids and wife whenever I want. I work hard, but on my time.
Your last subheadline says it all.
“Take courage and happiness in living a successful life”
Good luck with the new little one and thanks for this article.
Regards
Eric

Mark of Success says:

Hi Eric,

Thanks for the insightful comment, and I’m sorry it took me a while to respond to you. Was busy moving Secrets of Success to this new website and having some useful features in place (like this one that notifies you when I respond to your comment).

The title of this article sounds odd indeed, and I’m sure it will attract a lot of attention I think not many people will [want to] realize that they do feel guilty to live a successful life.

You made an interesting point about not allowing your business to be your boss. After having quit my job, I have to be careful not to fall into that trap. Well, i do work hard, but things are much better because I can take time off whenever higher priorities demand.

I’m glad you took courage and happiness in living a successful life yourself. In an earlier article, I once asked “If you had all the money you want, what would you do?“. I think you have lived up to the message therein. And for that, I congratulate you! Way to go!

Thanks for your kind wishes on the birth of my little one too!

Your detailed comment and appreciation was my reward for writing the article. It meant a lot to me. Thank you very much!

Cheers,
Mark
Mark of Success recently posted… Do you think the Mexican fisherman was successful?